By Towson Partners Wealth Management
In their 2011 country song “Where I Come From,” Montgomery Gentry describe an older man in a rocking chair whose unassuming appearance hides the fact that he could buy someone else’s fancy car with cash.
A little corny? Perhaps. But wouldn’t it feel good to be that man?
Some of our most financially successful clients remind us of him. They enjoy their lives, take good care of their families, and have far more wealth than a casual acquaintance would guess. Over the years, they’ve given their investments time to grow and allowed gains to compound. Their spending hasn’t raced to keep up.
The result is a level of comfort that can be difficult to appreciate if you’re accustomed to spending everything that comes in. They have room to make decisions without needing the next bonus, the next distribution, or another strong year in the market.
You can see someone’s new car. You can’t see how little they need to worry about paying for it.
That is the kind of wealth worth building.
When “we can afford it” becomes an expensive habit
For a wealthy family, overspending rarely begins with something obviously unreasonable. It starts with things that make sense individually: a second home, a nicer trip, help with an adult child’s expenses.
The trouble comes when each decision is made on its own. The vacation house brings upkeep. The generous offer becomes an expectation. The special trip becomes the standard trip.
Before long, you have acquired a lifestyle with quite an appetite.
Psychologists have found that people tend to underestimate unusual expenses because they treat each one as an exception. There’s always a reason this month doesn’t count. Add enough of those months together, though, and you have a year.
Our social circles can quietly raise the price of “normal,” too. In one study, people living next door to lottery winners increased their car consumption despite not participating in the lottery themselves. Apparently, someone else can win the lottery and still cost you money.
The useful question is whether you would choose the same things if nobody else could see them.
Changing course without giving up the good life
It can be surprisingly hard to reduce spending after years of success. A smaller travel budget may feel like going backward. Ending financial support can become a difficult family conversation. Selling something means admitting you don’t enjoy it enough to justify keeping it.
Those feelings deserve a place in the conversation. Research on financial shame suggests that embarrassment can encourage people to avoid their finances, making problems worse. A productive review should leave you clearer about your choices, not ashamed of having them.
Start with what the entire lifestyle costs over a year, including properties, travel, gifts, and family support. Then compare it with what your assets and reliable income can support while preserving the goals that matter to you. A strong market year feels wonderful; the bills you add during it may still be arriving in a weak one.
Next, ask which expenses actually improve your life. You might happily keep the family trip and let go of the property that has become a second job. Or continue helping a child with education while setting an end date on open-ended lifestyle support.
Meaningful changes tend to come from decisions like those. Nobody with a substantial spending gap needs another lecture about coffee.
Give new money some thought before it arrives, too. A bonus, business sale, or inheritance is an opportunity to strengthen your position. Decide how much you want to enjoy, give, and retain before the entire amount acquires a destination.
The reward is being able to enjoy your spending with confidence. For some families, a financial plan also reveals that they can comfortably spend more on the things they’ve been postponing.
Raising children who can enjoy wealth and handle it
One challenge of raising children in a comfortable household is that they experience the finished product. They see the home, the vacations, and the freedom. They may never see the years of work, saving, and decisions behind them.
Research on how families teach money habits points to the importance of example, conversation, and practical experience. A lecture about responsibility has more meaning when children have some responsibility of their own.
A summer job is a useful start, even when the family doesn’t need the paycheck. Showing up on time, answering to a manager, and deciding what to do with earned money give a teenager something a transfer from Mom and Dad cannot.
Give them choices with actual limits. A clothing or entertainment budget lets them decide what is worth buying—and experience running short without an automatic refill. Let small, manageable mistakes teach something.
Explain your own choices, too. “We could buy that, but we’d rather put the money toward something else” is a valuable lesson in a household that can afford plenty.
And let them see generosity and enjoyment alongside saving. Good spenders can recognize quality, spend on what they value, and help others. They can also walk away from something they could easily buy.
As children become adults, make family assistance clear. Is this a one-time gift, a loan, or ongoing support? An inheritance should arrive with more preparation than a set of account numbers.
A relationship that grows with the family
This is where an advisor can become a useful part of the family conversation.
At Towson Partners Wealth Management, we can help connect today’s spending with tomorrow’s plans: retirement, gifts to children, charitable interests, and the legacy you hope to leave. We can help put numbers around a decision that otherwise comes down to “we should be fine.”
With parents’ permission, we can also bring the next generation into the conversation gradually. A first paycheck can lead to a discussion about saving and investing. A home purchase can open a conversation about borrowing and family help. Over time, those conversations can build familiarity with larger responsibilities.
When appropriate, we can work alongside your attorney and tax professionals so family expectations and financial plans fit together. You can begin teaching the principles long before sharing every detail of your balance sheet.
That continuity matters. Children gain an advisor they know and a place to ask questions, while parents have help preparing them for the wealth they may eventually receive.
The man in the country song makes a memorable picture. The families who come to mind give it substance: they enjoy what they have, leave room for the future, and teach the next generation to do the same.
They could buy the car. They simply have other choices, too.
Now that’s wealthy.
Sources
- Montgomery Gentry, “Where I Come From” (2011).
- Sussman & Alter (2012), “The Exception Is the Rule: Underestimating and Overspending on Exceptional Expenses,” Journal of Consumer Research.
- Kuhn et al. (2011), “The Effects of Lottery Prizes on Winners and Their Neighbors,” American Economic Review.
- Gladstone et al. (2021), “Financial Shame Spirals: How Shame Intensifies Financial Hardship,” Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes.
- LeBaron & Kelley (2021), “Financial Socialization: A Decade in Review,” Journal of Family and Economic Issues.
- LeBaron et al. (2019), “Practice Makes Perfect: Experiential Learning as a Method for Financial Socialization,” Journal of Family Issues.
